It’s pressie-giving time so here’s the Leavers lowdown on what’s guaranteed to put a smile on everyone’s face…

Christmas time, mistletoe and whine. And debt. And horizontal rain. And darkness outside nearly 24/7. And some more whining. If you’re looking for your present to stand out amongst the crowd and aren’t willing to settle for the easy options of cash or vouchers, then this collection of stuff and thingys could be the answer. Luke Hawkins gives you a flavour of the most interesting / amusing / plain remarkable gifts on offer this festive season. If you’re asking, he’d like a go of the Poo Head game.

1.Poo Head Game:£9.99

poo head2

Whoever said throwing poo was strictly for deranged monkeys and protesting prisoners?
Drunken or socially immature humans can join in the fun too, safe in the knowledge that with this game no actual bodily waste is projected towards a fellow player. Although come to think of it, there probably is a version of that being enjoyed in rugby clubs throughout the country as we speak…duck!

2.Hand-knitted Dog Scarf £20,

dog scarf

Of course I haven’t forgotten about the most important members of the family.
Winter can be pretty chilly for everyone, so doggos big and small need to wrap up.
Make sure your dapper doggo turns heads with this personalised, hand-knitted effort specially made for the fanciest of pooches.
I estimate it will last about four hours before it gets chewed up and buried in the garden.

3.World Scratch Map £25,


Sickening. Not only is this suitable for one of your frequent traveller friends but a frequent travelling couple.
If your Facebook and Instagram feeds are full of sun-soaked pictures from distant lands, beaming smiles and exotic foods, all of which makes you feel not the slightest bit jealous then you can throw one of these at your smug, globetrotting friends over the holidays. Presuming they’ve hung around for more than five minutes before disappearing to ride an elephant or build a shanty town.

4.Pikachu Onesie: £35,

pikachu onesie cutout

They’re the once-novelty Christmas present – and indeed the indispensable nightwear – that just won’t go away.
And if you’re in the market for a onesie which takes the form of the cutest Pokemon in the business – that’s Pikachu if you had to ask – then look no further.
Rosy cheeks, floppy ears and a yellow tail. What more did you want?

5.De-motivational Pencils: £8.99,

Looking for inspiration as your next essay deadline approaches? Then best look away now as these writing tools are more likely to have you downing that out-of-date Bailey’s just for sport rather than focus your energies on a more productive endeavour. Still, if it’s someone else’s academic demise you wish to hasten then at £8.99 a pop I think I know who’s winning.

6.Illumibowl Toilet Night Light: £14.99,

A tale as old as time – waking up in the middle of the night to the realisation that you need to leave the warm and cosy sanctuary of your bed to go to the toilet.
Not that it is ever really an exciting experience, but the prospect is made worse by the miserable darkness and freezing floor tiles. This is where the IllumiBowl comes in. It is light sensitive, so it will only turn on in the dark; as well as motion sensitive so it only lights up when you walk into your bathroom. There are nine colour options, and it fits to any toilet. If there was ever a way to making relieving yourself in the wee small hours more enjoyable, then this is definitely it.